The House of Marshmallow
by Noodle the Albino Python
Summary: Crackfic Hermione Granger gets sorted into the house of Marshmallow which causes a lot problems as the house doesn't officially exist.With the Sorting Hat as her head of house and four other students added to the house ,Hogwarts will never be the same again.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

**Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

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><p>The Sorting Hat and Hermione Granger had been arguing for several minutes about where she should be sorted.<p>

The Hat who Hermione kept referring to as Boo wanted to put Hermione in one of the four houses and she wanted to be. sorted into a house that didn't exist.

"Look Boo, I understand that everyone has to be sorted into one of the four houses, but you have understand' that I'd prefer to be sorted into the House of Marshmallows" Hermione said, trying her hardest to irritate the hat further.

"And as I have told you several times I cannot just sort you into a house that doesn't exist. I mean where would your house points go or who would be your head of house be? What Dumbledore say about me just creating a fifth house to sort you?" The Sorting Hat asked, why it was arguing with Hermione it wasn't sure. Probably because he'd never met someone who wanted to create their own house before.

"You could be my head of house, I mean other than sorting first years at the beginning of the year what else do you do?. The points would go to Marshmallows and and who the hell cares about Dumbledore!" Hermione explained slowly, as the hat should have thought about this already.

"Well I have thought about getting a second job and it'd make Belinda happy to have more money" The Hat said, beginning to come around to Hermione's away of thinking.

"Who's Belinda?" Hermione asked, she was a very nosey eleven year old.

"My wife, she's a cauldron. Our marriage caught quite a stir at the time," The Sorting Hat replied.

"So are you going to sort me into Marshmallow then?"

"Very Well" The Hat said before shouting, "Marshmallow".


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

**Written for Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

**A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.**

**AN: Review, Follow and add to favorites please :)**

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><p>It amazed Hermione how quickly Dumbledore made it over to her, The Sorting Hat and Professor McGonagall.<p>

"As amusing as that joke was you can now resort her into proper house this time," Dumbledore told Boo who'd yet to be taken off Hermione's head.

"I did sort her into a proper house and I can resort her thousand times an it's always going to be the House of Marshmallow"

"I think that's his subtle way of saying shut up and get used it!" Hermione said, swinging her legs back and forwards on the sorting stool.

There were a few brief minutes of silence as Dumbledore tried to use Legilimency on Hermione, but all he found in Hermione's mind was pictures of cats dancing.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and crouched down to Hermione's level, "Miss Granger, surely you'd prefer to be in one of the recognised houses with other children?,".

The unsorted students were tapping their feet with impatience at the hold up of them being sorted , the already sorted and older students were on watching with amusement and puzzlement.

"No, I want to be in the House of Marshmallow and I'm bored now so I'm going to go hide under one the tables and pretend it's another world. Bye-bye!" Hermione said, taking of the sorting hat off her head and passing him to Professor McGonagall before running over to the Hufflepuff to table, crawling under it.

She spent the rest of the sorting making airplane noises, talking to someone or something called Pickles and ignoring other students and Professor's asking for her to come out from under the table.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

**Written for Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

**A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.**

**AN: I have changed the summary as I have changed slightly where I'm taking the story.**

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><p>Dumbledore didn't know why the Sorting Hat had chosen to sort more students into the house Marshmallow. One was bad enough, but once the sorting was finally over there was a total of five.<p>

He had tried using Legilimency on them all, but with every one of them he was greeted with one image; one very strange image.

He had seen dancing cats in Hermione Granger's mind. In Harry Potter's he saw faceless people surrounded by both light and darkness. In Draco Malfoy's he saw snakes being drowned by money.

In Neville Longbottom's there was a cot and screaming, screams so loud it was almost deafening. In Ron Weasley's he saw the boy being drowned in a sea of red.

He'd expected at least an outcry about where they'd been sorted from the Malfoy boy and Weasley boy, but they had just accepted it.

But what worried him slightly was when Hermione had finally been coaxed out from under the Hufflepuff table she grabbed a plate, piled it with food and walked out of the Great Hall; the four boys did exactly the same as her and neither he or any other professor had seen the five since.

Three hours had passed and he was very worried, the five didn't have a common room or dorm room. They didn't know their way around Hogwarts and he was sure at least one if not all of them were unhinged.

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><p>While Dumbledore was worrying and the other professors were searching for them the five were hiding out in an old abandoned classroom.<p>

Why? they weren't exactly sure, it just seemed like a good idea.

"Do you think we should go and find a professor to find out where our dorms are,?" Neville asked, barely above a whisper.

"No, our trunks are here and I have sleeping bags, lots of chocolate and cola in my bag. There is both a girl's and boy's bathroom across the corridor I say we stay here,!" Hermione said, her voice made it sound like it was all a suggestion when in reality she'd already decided that's what was happening.

"Why do you have that stuff in your bag? And what else do you have in there?," Harry asked, before yawning. He'd eaten more food than he ever had before in his entire life.

"I have this stuff in case of emergencies. I also have thirty boxes of matches, an axe, some pain killers, a camera, a water pistol and a few fake identities in case I have to flee and start a new life," Hermione said, like having these things were perfectly ordinary.

"If there's an emergency I want the axe!" Draco said.

"No, you can have the matches. Ron can have the camera, Harry the painkillers and Neville can have the water pistol," Hermione declared, the axe was hers and only hers.

"If Malfoy gets matches I want matches!" Ron whined.

"You'll get the camera and be happy about it. Now I'm going to go to the bathroom and change, Neville you're in charge while I'm gone," Hermione told Ron who'd gone into sulk mode.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.

Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.

It had been a week since the sorting a things were running not smoothly, but no where near as hectic as the first few days.

The abandoned classroom the Marshmallow students had hidden out in their first night had been turned into a temporary common room/dorm room.

There had been quite the argument about allowing Hermione to share a dorm room with the boys, but Hermione pointed out it wasn't against the school rules.

The Professors checked and were shocked to find it actually wasn't, (it seemed that although the girls dormitory had been charmed not allow boys in and the belief that girls were more sensible than boys and wouldn't go in their dorms had always meant that a rule had never been made about it,) so very reluctantly the Professor allowed them to share a dorm for the time being.

The biggest problem had been the five's class schedule; it seemed the five worked great as a group with just them, but the moment they were placed with other students they became disruptive.

So Dumbledore said until they were more settled at Hogwarts they'd only be taught together which played havoc with the Professors schedules all of which the five thought was hilarious.

Everything seemed to be settling down until a potions lesson were things became unsettled very quickly.

It was the Marshmallows second lesson with Professor Snape and they'd all gotten the feeling that he didn't like them from their first lesson. Even Draco felt his godfather didn't like them and it hurt a little if he were honest.

Now everything was going okay until halfway through the lesson and Neville made a mistake and messed up his potion; Professor Snape of course took that opportunity to belittle Neville.

Which did not go down well with Hermione.

"I really wished you hadn't just done that Professor Snape. Because now I am going to have to destroy and my schedule is very busy!," Hermione said, sighing loudly in annoyance."Someone better put Destroy Snape in the Diary".

"Done it Hermione, I've put it just before kill' Father Christmas and after take over the world!" Draco told Hermione, as he handed the diary to Harry.

"Okay so its official now Professor I'm going to destroy which is kind off making everything awkward,"

"Miss Granger, Witches and Wizards who more powerful than you have tried and failed to destroy me so I'm not concerned over your childish threats!," Snape told Hermione in a bored tone of voice.

"I would be if were you. I mean I've only known Hermione a little while but I know she's unbalanced enough to make it her life work to destroy you," Ron said with other boys nodding their heads in agreement.

"It's true I am," Hermione agreed. "Anyway I'm going to go and start plotting your demise Professor , Neville you come with me and the rest of you stay here and fill me in on what happens in the rest of the lesson".

Hermione and Neville were out of the door so quickly that Snape didn't have a chance to stop them leaving.

"So Professor Snape when Hermione destroys can we have your classroom as a new common room or will have to ask Dumbledore about it?," Harry asked.

"Why are you asking for Harry? , Once he is destroyed Hermione plans to take over the world so we'll get whatever want,"

"Mister Malfoy, I expect more from you! Stop feeding the girl's delusions and stop speaking to Potter as if he's your friend!"

"But uncle Sev, Harry is my friend. So are Hermione, Neville and Ron to They weren't, but Hermione said its us against the World and we have to stick together. She said a lot of other stuff too, but I didn't hear it because I got distracted by a shiny spoon," Draco informed his godfather who still hadn't broken the news Lucius Malfoy that the boy wasn't in Slytherin.

"She said that once she's ruler we all get a dragon, a pony and a lifetime supply of chocolate!" Ron said, drooling slightly at the prospect of chocolate.

"Well here's hoping Hermione destroys the Professor soon so she can concrete on taking over the world" Harry said with a smirk as Professor Snape glared daggers at him.  
> <p>


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.

A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.

* * *

><p>The Sorting Hat had just come from a staff meeting where he learnt something that he found very disturbing.<p>

He learnt that the philosopher's stone was being kept in the school because Dumbledore thought Voldemort wanted it.

He tried to point out to Dumbledore and the rest of the staff that keeping something that a man who murdered his own father in place full children was stupid, but they wouldn't listen.

So he went to the Marshmallow common room to warn them about it before they stumbled upon by accident and got hurt; because it seemed very likely to him they would.

He was glad to find for once they were all in their common room and, not causing havoc somewhere else in the castle.

"I'm glad to find you all here. Now I need you all to promise you won't mention what I'm about to tell you to anyone!," The Sorting Hat told them.

"We promise," The five replied at the same time, and it was a real promise to.

"Okay to then, the short version of this story there is a thing called the Philosopher Stone and it can fully restore Voldemort, and make him powerful again. Yes, Voldemort's alive, and the stone is in this school," The Sorting Hat explained.

"So that's what the three-headed dog is guarding," Hermione said, unfazed about everything the Sorting Hat or Boo as she kept calling him had just said.

"What three-headed dog?," Harry, Draco, Ron and Neville asked.

"How do you know about Fluffy when I've only just found out about it?," The Sorting Hat asked at the same time as the boys asked their question.

"Well the other day when Professor McGonagall falsely accused me of biting her, I went to search for the real culprit and stumbled upon the dog. I was going to tell you all about it, but I thought I'd surprise everyone by letting it loose," Hermione said, a little unhappy about not being able to surprise anyone now.

"That makes perfect sense to me," Harry told Hermione.

"I kind of wished she'd surprised us by letting it loose," Draco sighed, earning a strange look from Ron.

"I don't. I have an aversion to anything with three-heads," Neville said.

"Well normally I'd be against it, but I think you should let it loose to surprise everyone else, and to prove to Dumbledore I'm right about having dangerous things around children," The Sorting Hat said.

"Okay Boo" Hermione said happily. "Yay I'm going to get to let loose a three-headed dog on the school and I have permission, ".


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.

A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.

* * *

><p>The moment four out of five of the Marshmallows turned up to the Great Hall should have raised concern among the staff, because the only time they ever ate in the Great Hall was when they were up to something.<p>

They were sitting at the Gryffindor table, next to the Weasley twins who never seemed by their brother's and the rest of the Marshmallows antics.

The fact it was Hermione who was missing should also have rung alarm bells among the Professors.

But it didn't, which was why until they heard extremely loud footsteps and Hermione "This is so awesome!" they know something was going down.

Before anyone even had time to say "What the Merlin," Hermione burst through the doors on the back of three-headed dog which she had found was called Fluffy.

She didn't like the name and had changed it to "Lemon,".

Some students screamed, some fainted, some stood there wondering where Lemon had come from and why was riding it like it was a horse; Ron took pictures to send home to his mum to prove how dangerous Hogwarts was.

Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick tried to usher students out of the hall through the teachers entrance to the Hall.

Professor Snape and Dumbledore both tried to keep Hermione, and Lemon under control.

Professor Sprout was helping get the fainted students awake and up on their feet.

Once all the students except Hermione out of the Great Hall, Professor Snape and Dumbledore tried to coax Hermione to get off Lemon.

When they finally managed it after promising Hermione she could have a dragon.

It was left to Snape to sort out Lemon while a grinning Hermione followed Dumbledore to his office.

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><p>"Do you have any idea the complaints I'm going to get from parents?," Dumbledore asked, his voice calmer than he really was.<p>

"I and several others could have become dog food, and you're worried about getting complaints. Seriously, get your priorities straight," Hermione said, slightly upset at the lack worry about her safety.

"That is also an issue here," Dumbledore said.

"It wasn't until I mentioned it, but anyway can I go now? because I want to write to my parents and tell them how dangerous this place is," Hermione asked, it was like everything she had done meant nothing.

"No, you may not go. I could expel you for what you did today, " Dumbledore informed her.

"But you won't because that would send a clear message to everyone that you can't handle a first year," Hermione said, smugly.

"That is actually a valid point okay but I'm taking 300 house points and you have detention for two months,"

"The Marshmallows have a million house points and I all ready have loads of detentions anyway so I'm completely fine,"

"How in Merlin's name have Marshmallow got a million points?," Dumbledore asked.

"Well since Boo became the head of house for Marshmallow he is able to award house points. He promised me a million house points for eating my vegetables, ".


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter **

**Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

* * *

><p>Hermione was in Dumbledore's office. A week before she'd been promised a dragon, and she still didn't have one.<p>

So she was applying a little pressure by pointing out it was in everyone's best interest for her to have a dragon.

"I want a Dragon, you promised me a Dragon and if I don't get one I'm going to stop being nice Hermione and become mean Hermione, " Hermione threatened in a singsong tone of voice.

"So far we've only seen the nice side of you?," Dumbledore asked.

"Yes," Hermione replied, with a smile that looked half insane and half sinister.

"Okay so I'll look into all things we going to need for your dragon. You go and do whatever you're supposed to be doing," Dumbledore said, he'd never admit out loud, but Hermione scared the hell out of him.

"I want to stay here and draw stuff on the walls," Hermione said, sitting herself on the floor.

Dumbledore was going to say something about her not doing it, but he figured it'd be pointless.

Meanwhile in the lair of doom (The Marshmallow common room)

"Draco why are you brewing well I was going to say potion, but it looks sick, in our common room?," Harry asked, as he entered the common room.

"It is sick actually. Troll, Goblin and Unicorn in fact and, I'm mixing it together because Hermione said she needed it for something, " Draco told Harry who wrinkled his nose. "I was going to ask why, but you know how she feels about being questioned".

"She's going to use it as paint," Neville said, not looking up from the book his gran had sent him.

"How is it that you know what Hermione is always up to or, going to do?," Harry asked, he'd been curious about it for a while.

"Because Hermione like to plan things a lot at night and I struggle to sleep so I help her plan stuff,"

"Well that answers that one. You two should wake us up then we could help," Harry told Neville as he sat on his laid out sleeping bag.

"The other day when Ron tried to wake you, you went on twenty minute rant about how you'd never get the cheese from the moon and wouldn't speak to Ron until Hermione hit you," Draco said, before Neville could reply.

"This common room is so boring without Hermione in it," Ron said then sighed silence reigned over the Marshmallow common room until a loud bang from outside the common room was heard.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.

The mysterious banging noise outside the Marshmallow was Hermione with a sledge hammer.

Which end with Hermione being given another detention which was pointless because she already had detention that night.

Unfortunately the rest of the Marshmallow house were given detention because they'd gone out to see what noise, and got blamed for not stopping her.

Dumbledore was the only one who would take the Marshmallows for detention, every other adult in the place was to sane to do it.

Things were going pretty well up until Dumbledore took away the spoon Hermione was poking him with.

"I knew when you and Voldemort got divorced I should have gone to live with him instead just seeing him on weekends, " Hermione said, pouting at Dumbledore.

"I have not nor, will ever be married to Voldemort. You have never lived with me and you do not see Voldemort every weekend," Dumbledore told Hermione.

"I saw Voldemort two days ago, he makes Harry scar burn," Hermione informed Dumbledore before sticking her tongue out.

"It hurts a lot, which is why I could only stay in the room with him for like a minute. You'd think it'd be because he killed my parents and tried to kill me, but it isn't, " Harry said, Dumbledore looked at like he was this weird alien thing he couldn't understand.

"Are you telling me that you lot are actually spending time with Voldemort?,"

"Yes, he says if we steal the Philosopher stone for him he won't kill us. Well he said he maybe won't kill Harry," Ron said.

"He told me not to worry about not being confident because my parents were the same, but they were awesome in a fight which is why they were only tortured into insanity and not murdered, " Neville told Dumbledore in a dreamy voice. Hermione had given him a potion to calm him down about his Gran being written too.

"What is wrong with all of you? Voldemort killed or had members of your family killed!," it took every ounce of will power Dumbledore had not to shout.

"Actually Voldemort hasn't killed anyone I'm related too or done anything horrible to me,"

"Most of my family are Death Eaters,

"He promised me money,"

"A lot of my family are jerks who did horrible things to me to see if I had magic,"

"I'm to far gone to care,"

Were the replies from the Marshmallows.

Dumbledore looked at the five, took a deep breath and said "So far I have put with your little quirks because I thought that maybe you were just testing limits but after this conversation I am going to contact a friend of mine who is a child psychiatrist. That fact that none you seem to see how serious things you just revealed are makes thinks that there is something wrong with you."

"Yes because up until now everything about us has screamed normal, " Hermione snorted. "Also I find it disturbing you don't even ask how we know about the stone or how come Voldemort is in the school,"


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

**Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.**

* * *

><p>A few days had passed since Dumbledore had told the Marshmallow students he'd be contacting his psychiatrist friend.<p>

Which had made their behavior worse, it seemed not five went by without an indecent of some kind.

It had gotten to the point where a professor had to stand guard outside their common room to prevent them roaming the school, and giving everyone a break from them.

It didn't seem perplex them that they were being kept away from anyone except Draco who'd been quiet for most of the day, and evening.

"Draco, you've been acting like a turkey who just found out it's almost Christmas all day. What's wrong with you?," Harry asked, as he threw his pillow up in the air and watched it land on Ron's head.

"Well I got a letter from my parents earlier, Dumbledore wrote to them to get permission for me to that psychiatrist friend of his. I hadn't told them about being in the House of Marshmallow, and my father's upset I'm not in Slytherin," Draco sighed miserably.

"The answer to your problem is very simple, lie. Tell them that you were recruited by me on the train to bring Dumbledore down and return Voldemort to power. Now, me being a Muggleborn is going to cause a few issues about this lie so lie some more say I'm actually a Pureblood who was raised to destroy the light side and we're using Harry, Neville and Ron because no one would suspect the friends of these three to be evil," Hermione told Draco while shoving pieces of paper under the door.

"That actually sounds crazy enough to be believable," Draco said, smiling slightly.

"Everything Hermione says is crazy enough to be believable," Ron said, watching and wondering why Hermione was shoving paper under the door.

He would have asked, but he found it was better to wait for Hermione to explain in her own time.

"Apart from the lie she tried telling to explain where that elephant come from," mentioned Neville before he took a gulp of the special 'potion' Hermione had made him.

Which was really only water, flavoured food colouring and three drops orange juice. But Neville believed it was a potion that both calmed him and made him more confident.

"She was doing fine until she said it was a gift from moon aliens," Harry replied, still throwing his pillow in the air to amuse himself.

Hermione stood up and backed away from the door, "One, two, three!".

The sound of screaming "Get off," was heard from outside the door.

"So that's why you were shoving paper through the door," Ron said, Hermione nodded and picked up her school bag.

"Now while they're distracted lets get out of here, and make the school remember why they love us," The smirk that crossed Hermione's face as she spoke made the boys glad they were on Hermione's side.


	10. Chapter 10

Dumbledore had made the decision that the students of Marshmallow must be kept separated from each other after they showed everyone why they loved the house of Marshmallow.

None of the Marshmallows parents or guardians were giving permission for them to see a psychiatrist.

So Dumbledore was at lost as what to do apart from separating them.

Which when he looked back in the future he'd regret.

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><p>Professor Snape had been given the unfortunate duty of keeping an eye on Harry.<p>

"I know where you hid the body!," Harry blurted out, staring at Professor Snape with innocent expression.

"What are you babbling about Potter?," Snape asked, not even trying to keep the contempt he felt for the boy hidden.

At first he disliked the boy because he thought he was like James, but now he hated him because the boy was a Marshmallow.

"Hermione said telling people you were they hid a body is a great ice breaker," Harry said, sighing sadly. He missed Hermione, he missed them all and although they'd only been separated an hour it felt like forever to him.

"Miss Granger, also thinks its appropriate to bite people and declare war on things that do exist so take my advice Potter anything she thinks is a good idea, ignore," Snape told Harry, who looked outraged about his advice.

But not nearly as outraged as Hermione herself, who'd escaped McGonagall's clutches to go rescue her friends.

"Everything I say is awesome, and never to be ignored," Hermione growled at Snape as she stood up.

"Hermione!," Harry said, grinning.

"Granger, where's Professor McGonagall?," Professor Snape asked.

"Last time I saw her she was trying to keep Lemon under control. If you are going to keep a three-headed dog make sure it doesn't answer to whistle that a crazy first year has, and the crazy yet awesome first year doesn't bribe the Weasley twins to set it free," advised Hermione, looking really smug. "Now I'm taking Harry with me to help rescue the others from the clutches of evil Professors then I'm going to blow up Dumbledore's office."

"What makes you think I'm just going to let you take Potter with you?,"

"Because while you were talking to me Draco stole your wand from your pocket and chains around your feet," Hermione explained, looking bored with Snape.

"Hi Uncle Sev, she rescued me first because I helped blow up Dumbledore's office last week," Draco said, as Snape glared at his god son.

"I helped you turn the library into circus which was harder than blowing up Dumbledore's office," Harry whined, pouting.

Hermione just rolled eyes and walked out the room, quickly followed by a pouting Harry and Draco.

Now was time to rescue Ron and Neville, she'd just give Harry a bag of sweets for rescuing him second when everyone was rescued.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I Do Not own Harry Potter.

A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.

Once Dumbledore had promised not to split the Marshmallows up again, to stop trying to persuade their parents for them to see a psychiatrist and said he'd really try ro get Hermione Dragon.

Hermione swore that she and the rest for one week wouldn't do anything that would traumtize, annoy or hurt anyone for one week.

A promise for two days until Lucius Malfoy arrived at Hogwarts demanding to see his son.

"I want to see my son this instant!," Lucius hissed at Dumbledore.

"Lucius, I think maybe you ought to calm down before you speak to him," Dumbledore suggested in a calm manner.

"No, I want to see him now," Lucius demanded.

Dumbledore sighed "Fine, I'll fetch the boy but try to relax in the meantime."

It didn't take long for him to get Draco, but Hermione insisted on tagging along.

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><p>"Hi father, " Draco said, politely.<p>

"Hi Draco's father, " Hermione called out she entered the door, wearing what could only be described as hybrid Kermit the frog and sheep costume.

"Who are you?," Lucius asked, looking at Hermione like she was a raving lunatic.

"Hermione Granger, why do you want to see Draco?,"

"Because not only does my son go out of his way to disgrace the family name by getting sorted into house that isn't even recognized as a real house and hanging out with blood traitors, half bloods and a Muggle born. He then has the audacity to lie and about why he is," Lucius huffed, outraged his son would lie to him.

"Actually Hermione came up with the lie and Neville ended up writing the letter to you because I was helping Ron with something so technically I didn't lie," Draco explained, with an innocent expression.

"So now that's cleared up, I'm pretty sure these two have potions and should be get going," Dumbledore suggested, just praying that he could through this without a serious incident.

"Oh we'll go once I find out what he means not recognized as a real house because let me tell you buddy if you weren't Draco's father I'd kill you," Hermione growled, glaring at Lucius.

"Actually I'm closer to my mother," Draco said, then shrugged his shoulders when his father looked insulted.

"Awesome," Hermione said, launching herself at Lucius, and knocking him to the ground.

It would take twenty minutes and summoning Snape to help prise Hermione off him.

The next day Hermione received a letter telling her that she wasn't allowed within 500 yards of Lucius Malfoy, nor allowed to contact him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.**

**Written for Written for 5000 F's challenge & The Short Haul challenge.**

It was Halloween and the fact that Marshmallow house was still in existence, and none of its students had been expelled yet; which shocked a great many.

The students were sure they were going to be expelled when they turned the indoors of Hogwarts into a swimming pool.

Maybe the others students would have enjoyed having to swim everywhere for a week, if it had been warm water they used.

When he didn't the students had reached the conclusion that he was clearly in denial about how Hermione was calling the shots most of the time.

The fact the only person Voldemort had feared couldn't handle a first year worried them which is why the recognized four houses had decided to put the past behind them; the first time in a thousand years the four house had been untied as one, and all because Hermione scared them.

Hermione had paced back and forwards for an hour. It had the other marshmallow students worried because she hadn't spoken a word in that time, and never went that long without speaking.

"She has her that look in her again," Ron whispered to Draco. "Why are you whispering?, and what look?," Draco asked, as Hermione continued to pace.

"I was whispering because I didn't want to disturb whatever Hermione is doing, and she has the I'm going to destroy the world look." Ron explained, not bothering whispering because it seemed as if Hermione was deep in thought.

Which made him believe that someone in the world really needed to be worried at that moment.

"Hermione always has that look. If Hermione didn't have that look then we'd know it was an imposter" Neville said, who lately seemed really unfazed by everything.

"True, but she never paces in silence and when have you ever known her to be this silent?. I really think she is going to destroy the world today."

"So basically everyone is doomed, awesome!." Harry declared, loud enough to break Hermione's concentration.

"What's awesome?," Hermione asked, looking at the four boys like she had only just realised they were there.

"You're going to destroy and everyone is doomed," Harry said, excitedly.

"I'm not going to destroy the world," Hermione informed Harry looked rather upset about it. "No, I'm thinking how Voldemort has tried to double cross me. This evening he going to let a troll in as a distraction to see if he can get the stone." Hermione was scowling at being double crossed.

"One: he won't get past lemon and two: we already the stone so even if does mange to get pass all the traps he won't have it," Draco said,to cheer Hermione up.

They'd gotten the stone a few weeks back, not that Voldemort or Dumbledore knew it.

"That's not point! The point is if you can't trust a man who tried to conquer the world, killed a load people then who can trust?," Hermione asked, the boys could feel a long rant was going to happen.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.

Voldemort's attempt to use a troll as distraction didn't pan out so great once Hermione had decided to make friends with the troll.

Especially since she kept trying to use the Troll to flatten him and Quirrell.

It took two days for Hermione to get over her wanting to squash him with a troll, three to get into a place where she'd talk to him.

Hermione took Ron to her meeting with Voldemort. Harry refused to go because he said he didn't want to deal with his scar burning.

Draco and Neville were busy trying to build a bouncy castle out of jelly.

"Look, Hermione I know that your feeling angry about this but I honestly don't care" Voldemort said, as Hermione glared at him.

"Well for your little backstabbing attempt I denying you access to any of your fortune. Do you care about that?" Hermione said, smugly.

"How come Hermione's in charge of your fortune?," Ron asked, if someone had said he'd be asking Voldemort questions before he met Hermione he would have called them crazy.

"Well you see my mother's family have a tradition' of leaving everything to their closet magical blood relative and even though I didn't think I needed to I continued the tradition. Well what with the everyone marrying members of their own families my mother's side of the family became very polluted so the closest magical person on my father's side was pick to inherit everything. Which is Hermione and with me being officially dead she's in charge of my fortune, " Voldemort explained, glaring at a smirking Hermione.

"But Hermione's a Muggleborn," Ron said, looking confused.

"Yeah Voldy's daddy was a Muggle and the cousin my great-grandmother," Hermione informed Ron.

"You promised not to mention he was a Muggle to anyone" Voldemort whined, which surprised Ron because Dark Lords weren't supposed to whine.

"When I am fully restored to my former self I'm so going to kill you".

"I'm so scared of a man who spends the majority of' the time on the back of someone's head," Hermione snorted.

"Where the hell is Quirrell anyway?".

"He refuses to go near you anymore which meant I had to leave the little sniveling moron by his self,".


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Written for the The Short Haul competition.

It didn't long for it become public knowledge that Hermione and Voldemort were related; Ron had told Fred and George who went around telling everyone. Not that Hermione particularly cared whether everyone knew or not.

It was actually really amusing to watch people try to figure out what she was; was she evil?, was she crazy? Or was she on a mission to prove something?.

Professor Snape firmly believed Hermione was evil and that everyone was doomed. He even ranted about his belief for a good hour in the Great Hall before he was dragged off to the hospital wing for a rest for a few days.

Dumbledore had banned all students from trying to visit Snape. Not that anyone had planned on doing so, but once Dumbledore said not to do something the Marshmallow students really wanted to do it.

So the students of Marshmallow bribed the Weasley twins to get Madam Pomfrey out of the way, skipped their lesson with Professor Flitwick and went to see him.

When they got there Professor Snape was asleep, but he didn't remain that way for long after Draco shouted "WAKE UP UNCLE SEV" right in Snape's ear.

"What do you lot want?," Snape groaned, looking the five students staring at him like he was an animal in a Zoo.

"We were worried about you so we decided to visit you," Harry said, frowning that their efforts weren't appreciated.

"Of course you were and I'm the Minister of Magic" Snape snorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Um, no your not. Are you have some type of break down Professor? Is that why your here and believe you're the Minister of Magic?," Hermione asked, and if Snape didn't know better he'd think she was concerned about him.

"No, I'm not having some type of break down. Now go away and annoy someone else" Professor Snape said, closing his eyes.

"Like who?," Neville asked, poking Snape in the ribs so he'd open his eyes again.

"Anyone as long as it isn't me,"

"Well we could go annoy Professor McGonagall, but if we do you owe us big time buddy," Hermione said, in very series tone.

"Hey lets call Professor Snape, Buddy from know on" Ron suggested, with a grin.

Snape opened as his eyes and glared at Ron, but it was to late the suggestion had already been made and Snape was now called Buddy. 


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Written for the Short Haul competition.

A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.

Fred and George had bugged Ron to persuade Hermione to let them be in the house of marshmallow. The twins felt that Gryffindor didn't appreciate their awesome ability to get into trouble.

Ron eventually caved and asked Hermione if she'd considered it.

Not having anything better to do and wanting more students for the house anyway she got Ron to arrange a meeting between her and the twins.

"So what makes you think you'd make it in the house of marshmallow?," Hermione asked, the grinning twins.

"Well we love pranking and causing trouble, we strongly agree with your Dumbledore is incompetent policy and can you imagine the look on McGonagall's face when she finds out we have defected from Gryffindor?," Fred said, his grin now a smirk.

"Plus we have candy if that helps in anyway," George mentioned, in a hope to persuade Hermione to let them become marshmallows.

Hermione paced for several minutes before giving them an answer. "I'll let you join my house, but it means following my orders without question" Hermione told the twins.

"Agreed!" The twins said in sync.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

The twins had declared they were now in the house of marshmallow at dinner, and of course this news didn't go down well.

Dumbledore ordered that the twins, Professor McGonagall, and the students of marshmallow go to his office immediately.

"Albus students cannot just switch houses and do you really think adding twins to that bunch is a good idea?," Professor McGonagall asked, wondering why no one else was concerned about this.

"I swear that there is insult in her words somewhere," Harry said to Ron.

"I simply meant you're all unstable enough without the twins involved,"

"Look Minerva I think that maybe a more mature influence even if that influence is the Weasley twins might calm them down," Dumbledore lied, what he really meant is I have given up trying to do anything around here.

"That is the most idiotic statement I have ever heard," Professor McGonagall huffed, glaring at Dumbledore.

"You know Professor McGonagall anytime you want to swear that you're loyal to me and my cause is fine by me," Hermione informed the head of Gryffindor.

"It'll be the best choice you ever made Professor trust me," Draco said, the other marshmallows nodded their heads in agreement.

"What exactly is your cause Miss Granger?," Professor McGonagall asked.

"Well first I plan to take over Hogwarts completely then the ministry and eventually the whole world. Join me and I promise that you, and your Gryffindors shall be safe from harm," Hermione promised, getting the twins onside was one thing but having a professor onside would be awesome.

"Does that include former Gryffindor students as well?,"

"Minerva, you cannot be seriously considering this?," Dumbledore asked, looking at McGonagall like she was going mad.

"Well I think she should consider it, what do you think George?,"

"I agree Fred she should give it some serious thought. I mean look Hermione get Voldemort to listen to her and Dumbledore only made him mad so he killed a bunch people. To sum up everything up Dumbledore will get your Gryffindors killed and Hermione will keep them safe."

"That is not true I can keep them safe," Dumbledore huffed.

"Yes like you kept my uncles safe, and Harry's parents safe. Lets not even go there with what a wonderful job you did with Neville's parents," Ron said, his voice laced with sarcasm and venom.

"If I could get a word in edge ways here" Hermione said, loudly making sure all eyes were back on her. "To answer your question yes it includes your former Gryffindors as well. So who are you going to trust, the man who has failed again and again or me the girl insane enough to threaten Voldemort?".

"Miss Granger, you're without doubt the most annoying and unstable student I've ever met but the ways things are shaping up I think its best to side with you. Before you even think of firing me Albus just remember I know things about you that would be very damaging for you if they ever got out," Professor McGonagall said, the look in her eyes made it clear to Dumbledore she was serious. 


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I Do Not own Harry Potter.

It was early in the morning and Hermione had been thinking all night and reached a descion.

"I've decided we should all do whatever we want today" Hermione declared loudly to half and fully asleep Marshmallows.

"We do we want every day" Harry groaned, pulling his blanket over his head.

"Yes, but today we're all going to do what want separately" Hermione said, dangling an old sock that belonged Fred over George's nose to wake him up.

"You'll never wake him like that" Fred said, before screaming "ICE CREAM!" his twin's ear.

George glared at Fred for a second then grinned, he couldn't stay mad at him.

"Now as you two are the most awake its up to you tell the others do whatever they want, but separately. Because they are either sleeping or still to sleepy to have really heard what I said"

"Will do, but what you going to be up to?," the twins asked in sync but it was to late Hermione was already out the door. 


End file.
